Rackham Rose (rackhamrose) wrote in temps_mort,
Rackham Rose
rackhamrose
temps_mort

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Revenge Challenge: "Cease And Desist Order"

Title: Cease And Desist Order
Author: Rackham Rose
Fandom: multiple
Type: silly humour
Challenge: Revenge
Rating: G
Time: roughly 30 minutes
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Notes: I watch too much "Law and Order".
Also, this is sort of a work in progress; I don't consider it quite finished yet. Be warned.

*`-,--

From: Tatsumi Seiichiro (Tatsumi.Seiichiro@shokan.meifu.net)
To: Rackham Rose (rackhamrose@pressed-feathers.net)
Subject: Cease And Desist Order

Dear Ms. Rose,

It has recently come to my attention that several persons including myself have been the victims of unfair treatment at your hands. Acting as their informal legal counsel, I feel myself obliged to inform you of the charges, sorted by grievance:

* Severe emotional distress inflicted upon Messrs. Sumeragi, Sakurazuka, Shirou, Arisugawa, Aoki, and their acquaintances, friends, and relations during the period spanning 2000-present
* Severe emotional distress inflicted upon Misses Tenjou and Himemiya during the period spanning 2000-present
* Severe emotional distress inflicted upon Messrs. Kurosaki, Tsuzuki, Watari, Konoe, and myself during the period spanning 2003-present
* Severe emotional distress inflicted upon Her Excellency the High Summoner of Spira (hereby known as Ms. Yuna) during 2004
* Physical threats, injuries, and mutilations extending to and including death inflicted upon Messrs. Sumeragi and Sakurazuka during the period 2000-present
* Physical threats, injuries, and mutilations less severe than but not including death inflicted upon Misses Tenjou and Himemiya
* Physical threats and injuries to the point of but not including death inflicted upon Messrs. Kurosaki, Tsuzuki, Watari, and myself
* Innumerable unfinished plots (constitutes breach of contract) within several universes
* Multiple instances of crossover (constitutes breach of contract and violation of labor laws)
* Situations calling for the displacement of characters into the 1600s, where they are forced to assume roles similar to those of thieves and outlaws at sea, often far from their homes; hereby known as "Pirateverses" (constitutes abuse)
* At least one dozen defamations of character and violations of privacy constituted by the production and release of near-pornographic material

I will be forwarding a petition signed by all the plaintiffs, who wish you to make restitution as soon as possible. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

Cordially,
Tatsumi Seiichiro

*`-,--

From: Rackham Rose (rackhamrose@pressed-feathers.net)
To: Tatsumi Seiichiro (Tatsumi.Seiichiro@shokan.meifu.net)
CC: Sumeragi Subaru (13thsumeragi@onmyouryo.co.jp), Sakurazuka Seishirou (thesubtleart@sakurazuka.net), Kurosaki Hisoka (Kurosaki.Hisoka@shokan.meifu.net), Tsuzuki Asato (Tsuzuki.Asato@shokan.meifu.net), Watari Yutaka (Watari.Yutaka@shokan.meifu.net), Himemiya Anthy (himemiyaa@ohtori.edu), Tenjou Utena (tenjouu@ohtori.edu), High Summoner Yuna (summoner_gunner@spira.org), Tidus (blitzboi321@zanarkand.net)
Subject: Re: Cease And Desist Order

Dear Tatsumi-san,

I believe if the plaintiffs examine my record a little more closely, many of them will find that restitution has already been made.

In my own defence and as evidence of such, I would like to present the following links:

Revolution (attn. Himemiya Anthy)
Salt (attn. Sumeragi Subaru and Sakurazuka Seishirou)
Twenty-One(attn. Tatsumi Seiichiro and Watari Yutaka)
Learning The Ropes (attn. Kurosaki Hisoka and Tsuzuki Asato)

Further restitution is forthcoming; anyone who wishes for it may request it, and I'll do my best to be prompt with a reply.

After all, I don't believe that I need to remind you, Tatsumi-san, of my fondness for happy endings.

With love,
Rackham Rose

*`-,--

From: Tatsumi Seiichiro (Tatsumi.Seiichiro@shokan.meifu.net)
To: Rackham Rose (rackhamrose@pressed-feathers.net)
Subject: Re: Re: Cease And Desist Order

Dear Ms. Rose,

Do not consider this over by any stretch of the imagination.

Tatsumi Seiichiro

*`-,--

From: Rackham Rose (rackhamrose@pressed-feathers.net)
To: Tatsumi Seiichiro (Tatsumi.Seiichiro@shokan.meifu.net)
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Cease And Desist Order

Tatsumi-san,

Oh, I don't. Especially not when I know how very much you enjoyed being Jack the Pumpkin King AND a Commodore in the Emperor's Navy with a pirate ex-lover.

Now quit complaining or I'll write out that Kingdom Hearts crossover in full.

Love,
Rose
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